It’s incredibly hard to wait for anything.
Especially when what you’re waiting for is your biggest dream, your greatest goal, and your deepest desire.
But now, I’m living in the waiting stage. I’m waiting to hear back from the grants. I’m waiting to hear back from the media. I’m waiting to hear back on any donations since my appearance on NBC4 two weeks ago. Just waiting. And as I wait, I am continuing to send emails, make phone calls, and contact organizations all over the area so that I can speak, share, and educate people on this project. But it’s oh so difficult to wait.
Every time I login to my email, I am hoping for an answer from someone, anyone, telling me that they’d love to hear me speak, telling me that they’d love to donate to the project, telling me that they support this project emotionally. But most of time, it’s an empty inbox, which in turn, leaves me feeling empty inside.
The time is running out. And while I am currently living in the waiting stage, at the same time, the clock of time is ticking faster than I’ve ever felt it tick before. Only two months, I am reminded every time I open this blog. Two months to raise triple what I’ve already raised. It’s scary. It’s frightening. Sometimes, it’s even discouraging.
Waiting can take a huge toll on people’s emotions. And I’m definitely included in that statement. As I wait, I get anxious, I get impatient, I worry, and I stress. I wonder if this is ever going to happen. I wonder if maybe this goal was just too much for me to handle. Too little time to raise too much money. I wonder what will happen on December 1–will I have the money? Will I be able to look back on these months of blogging and fundraising and emailing and promoting and say that this was all worth it?
That’s all I can do.
Just sit around and wait and hope that one day this project, this dream, will become a reality.
But that’s when it dawns on me. And this happens on a fairly regular basis, even though you’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.
It dawns on me that as long as I put in the effort–as long as I plant the seeds, water the garden, attend to the bugs and the dry patches and turn the soil–then I can’t do anything else. As soon as I have done everything that I can do, that’s when I have to let go and understand that I am not in complete control of this project. I am not in control of when the money will be raised. All I can do is continue to work hard and not give up. I can’t just sit around anxiously, twiddling my thumbs, when more can be done. Yet at the same time, after I have reached a certain point, I must surrender to the fact that I don’t control the world.
I am learning to find this balance–the balance between working too much without understanding that I can’t control everything and not working hard enough to ensure that I’m doing everything that I can, but not anything more and not anything less.
I encourage each and every one of you to find a place in your life where you are having trouble finding a balance between working too hard and not working hard enough. Believe me, it’s harder than you think it is to realize that you might not be working as effectively as you would like. Remember, the key to organization and balance in life is working efficiently and effectively at the same time. It’s not all about how hard you work, but about how effectively you are spending your working time.
But as soon as you realize that there’s one area of your life that needs a quick balance adjustment, you’ve already begun the road to change. Often, realizing that you have a problem is the hardest part. And after that, it’s all an uphill trek from there.